Alyssa Reann Gould

So Juvenille....  

Going back and reading everything I've written on here... 
Ugh, it's quite depressing...

I have one the shape of an arrow on my left theigh, pointing up, to my crotch...
I don't have any desire to know why it is there... 
; )

The one and only day it hadn’t been overcast, Bella lay outside on her quilt, trying to sleep. The sun hadn’t gone behind the clouds for hours, and she was quietly drifting off. The wind ruffled her hair, and she immediately wished he was there with her, laying outside for the whole world to see. She bet he didn’t go outside much now. She put her arms behind her head and listened to the wind shake the leaves and branches. She imagined being in the meadow, with him, while the sun danced across them. She sighed. She missed the way he shined…

 

The rain was plummeting into the forest, drenching everything it touched. She was clinging to my back as we ran. She had her faced buried in my shoulder, on my request, I didn’t want the rain to hit her angelic face. She didn’t like to watch as I ran anyway.

We stopped and I set her down. Her eyes were still closed. I brushed my palm against her cheek and her eyes flew open immediately. A smile tugged at the corners of both of our lips.

“I don’t like running in the rain.” She said.

“The chill.” I said as I hugged her tightly.

 

Honestly, I didn't know it was Sunday untill I looked on my phone. On Friday, I didn't know what day it was until 8 o'clock at night. I guess it's a good thing I didn't have any major plans!

Anyway, I'm settled in at my new house. My room MATCHES though, and that's not a good thing! I'm going to paint it white, get a new bed spread and pillow cases. I've gone to BigLots and I've found OODLES of things I want for my room! It's semi-unbelievable! I didn't know they had that much stuff, and that it was cheap... Pathetic, I know. 

Count down to Seattle - 17 days : )

He new she might change her mind. But she didn’t know how it would rip his motionless heart from his chest. The very thought of her ever leaving his side again tore him apart. The first time, he remembers, left him thinking “If I could cry…” He remembers what ran through his mind when Alice saw her dive from the cliff.

He shuddered.

He ment everything to her. He was on her list of things she needed to survive. Next to Edward, air and water were insignificant. He is the air.

They didn’t realize, they had fallen so much further then either of them indented.

Love is a deep thing…   

 

I have been thinking alot through these last four days. 
I've told people things I've really wanted to, and things I haven't found the voice for. 
I've learned alot about the way my mind works. It's hard to explain, though. People seem to be less annoying now.
And things seem slowed. Dull, almost. 

On a lighter note, I'm finally okay with moving. It's so quiet out there, and it just seems okay now. 
I don't doubt that I'll hate it the second my dad tries to tell me what to do with my room. He doesn't have to be in there.
It doesn't affect him! So what if I want my bed horizontal against my wall. It's my problem if the pillows fall off, not his.


I'm fourteen and I already understand things my 50-year-old mother doesn't. 
And things my 63-year-old grandmother, who hates me, her one and only grand daughter, would find 'silly'.

Anyway. Starting tomorrow night, I'm writing a letter to everyone I feel should know the way I truly see them. 
It's like the sun is finally shining on me, and I'm absorbing it. 
It's been gray and depressing for too long, I like waking up.

Naah, I wouldn't want a penis. 
Although, if I had one, it'd be my third leg ; ) 

My friends and I ALWAYS make jokes about peoples penis-es. 
And we joke that we have them. I convinced my friend Tyler C. 
that Courtney had a penis, he was freaking out : ]]]]]]]]]

I love how I can fall for fictional characters, but finding a guy I like is, for lack of a better word, difficult. 
I've fallen for Cedric Diggory, Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Edmund Pevensie and Edward Cullen. 

This is getting OUT OF HAND! 

The good thing about this is they can't hurt me, they can olny hurt other fictional characters. But it's just... weird, once again, for lack of a better word. It's not like I can marry a fictional character. And celebrities, too. Another select group of people I can easily fall for.  

I'm gonna be alone forever... : ( 

  

Vampires Vampires Vampires Vampires : D 
EEEPPP! I totally wish I was one. Lol. 
Like in Twilight, Edward has my soul. 
and my ENTIRE heart.

My dad's an ass hole. 
He's freaking out at me about my cell phone that I NEED to keep in touch with him and my mom.
fuckshitdamnitbitchslut. 
Ha. 
But whatever, I guess I'll just go roam the city and hope I get picked up by some phsycotic mother f*cker, that wants to feed me to his 710145896560125 kids. And his wife'll be 25 years old and gorgeous and she'll be like "You can't kill her." And then I'll say "Sure ya can! I'm of no use to anyone." 
They'll both shrug at the idea. (All this time I'll have no way to contact anyone) THEN they'll put me in a cage outside with a very anti social rooster that wants me dead, and I'll have to figure out how to descreatly kill a rooster (because it would end up being their pet). Once the rooster is dead, I'll use it's claws/talons to pick the lock on the cage. It will work and I'll be free to roam their back yard, which is filled with 6 broken trucks, a washing machine, a toaster oven and bunches of baby cradles that are stained and unable to be used. They'll have a Rot Wieler, a boy named Sweetums. I'll try and befriend the beast, he'll (like the rooster) want me dead and he'll do all he can to get just that. My dad would have called the cops by now, because I wouldn't have checked in, although, I'LL HAVE NO WAY TO DO JUST THAT! The crazy guy's wife will hear the nosies of the barking dog and my screams and come outside. She'll say "What's going on? Why are you out of the cage?" and I'll reply "The rooster let me out". (Because before I roamed the yard, I would have deposed of the dead rooster body.) She'll buy the half assed story, and I'll wait until everyone left.

I'd escape and move to Las Vegas. I'd work at the Palms under a whitness protection name of my own choice, Firebird J. Foxworthy. I would claim Jeff Foxworthy to be my dad and I'd get LOADS of money form that scheme. I'd buy myself a damn BlackBerry for a new phone. I'd be helping the Mobs, so I'd have UNLIMITED amounts of protection. 

Then, I'd call my dad. And I'd say, "Looking for me?" and he'd FREAK out! 
ahahahah I should do that : )

So, I guess I am moving. To A town slightly bigger then the one I'm in now. I'm moving into a white house, and my room has a pink wall... I feel six again. The whole upsatirs has pink carpet. It's being converted into a "Disney Room" for Alaina. I'm going to have 2 cell phones, so that's a plus. 

The school has cool classes. Creative Writing and Choir : ) It has a funky smell though.

My dad is talking about "postponing" me getting my cell phone back. I desperatly want to tell him "That's a fucked idea..." or something of the sort. 

 I'll put pictures of the house later. 
The outside, though, I got no pictures of the outside. 

"Crashed on the floor when I moved in..."

I didn't expect to fall in love with the people here, and now I'm being forced to leave, again. I don't think I'll be able to handle it. 

"Beer through the nose on an inside joke..." 

I'll miss everyone with a burning passion. Especially Cassy and Chaney.

"Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her..." 

I won't miss you. You brought me down when I should have been soaring higher.

"The summer is ending soon..."

And, when it does, I'll, probably, be gone. 

"I come undone at the things he said..."

The one guy I've come so close to loving only thinks of me as a friend. 

"We were all in love and we all got hurt..."

What doesn't hurt these days...? 

"These silly little wounds will never mend..."

But, oh, I wish they would. It's like a stab to the heart, and it's one that isn't fatal. The knife is within my heart forever. 

"So I go, and I will not be back here again..." 

I'm hoping that's not what happens... 

"I lie, put my injuries all in the dust..." 

Shallow pools of dark, murky, soot. 

"In my heart is the five of us..." 

In my heart, forever, taking the place of the knife.

"And you, maybe you'll remember me..."

Although, I doubt the memories will be good. 

"What I gave is yours to keep..."

And I will, forever, keep what the five of you gave me.
Love.
Friendship.
True Understanding.
Happiness.
What Life Should Be.

She lay so close to him, curled into his body. Her breathing was steady and the gentle rise and fall of her chest captured his attention. Her lips were slightly parted. He could barely contain himself, he has far less self control then she realizes. She didn’t know how much it was testing him, and his urges, to stay here with her every night.

She turned into him, her warm, sweet breath was now hitting his neck. Her intake of breath and her release of it almost made him shiver. The sounds and smell were enough to drive him up the wall.

And the venom kept dripping.   

 

 Cheese cubes; Dried Cherries; Marshmellows; and Spanish Rice.

It'd be called "Absolute-O's". 
The Cereal that makes you think : )

“Jake,” Quil called from the living room. “Bella’s in the garage.”  I stood, frozen, not knowing what to say or do. I hadn’t talked to Bella in about, a week, I thought I was going through withdrawals. I poked my head out of my room. Quil was slumped on the couch.

“No way…?” I stuttered a bit, making me sound like a frightened little pup. I tried to get to into his thoughts, he was thinking about… school? In spite of my better judgment, I walked out to my garage.

I was as excited as a little school girl, I missed Bella. But, when I got out there, I realized  it wasn’t Bella. It was Embry, wearing a brown wig and a dark pink dress. I picked up a wrench and hurled it at him; he ducked.

“Oh, JAKE!” Embry squealed in a horrible imitation of Bella. I took off running, straight at him.

 

“Bella?” Alice called popping her head in the door. I motioned for her to come in. She had a box with a handle on the side, a Jack-in-the-Box.

“Oh no, Alice!” I protested, backing away from her. Rosalie popped in after her, an evil smirk on her angelic face. She stood behind Alice.

“Come ON, Bella,” Rosalie moaned, taking the box from Alice. “all you do is crank the handle,” she cranked it as she spoke, “and out… pops… the…” The Jack popped out.

“AHHHH!” Rosalie screamed, fleeing from the room. Alice doubled over with laughter.

“That was supposed to be YOU!”

I looked for anything that I cloud see my reflection in. I focused on the vase that held Esme’s tulips. I pursed my lips as I fixed my hair and, critically, looked over my appearance. My golden hair shined in the florescent light and my liquid topaz eyes seemed deeper today.

That’s when I heard them.

Bella and Edward walked through the door and sat on the couch opposite of me. I smiled wryly. Edward didn’t even make any motion to notice my presence. Bella smiled awkwardly.

I couldn’t stand it any longer. My hand was still grasped around the vase, and when I looked down at it, it shattered, sending flowers, glass and water over the whole room.

I stood up and left, knowing they were both looking at me.  

 

I can't even tell what's reality anymore.... I have cut off so much in my life, yet stayed open for a select few. 
My (alleged) bestfriend doesn't even know me anymore.... How sad is that? 
I know myself tho. That's good. I've realized so much more in a week then I have in my entire 14 year : 4 month : 4 day : 22 hour : 40 minute exsistence... 
THAT, my friends, is SAD! 


I'm a tree-hugger. I WANT Obama to win. I'm THE single most ungirly-girl in the world (probably not, tho). I'm 5'7", not an inch taller, sorry Dad. I'm honestly considering forgiving my Mom. I don't care what you say about me, it only pisses me off that you don't say it to my face; and then I have to get 4th hand information. I like to say "shit" and "fuck"; no, I don't think it makes me cool, I just like the way they sound when you whisper them. I read more then anyone I know. I consider you illiterate if you know nothing about English, Grammar, Spelling, Reading or Writing. If you tell me "I've never read a book for enjoyment", don't consider me ever having an actual conversation with you. I can't dance. I want to slap the shit out of about 5 people right now. I am, sadly, fourteen. I LIKE my life. I miss Washington. I don't like the way I look. I'm going to start being brutaly honest with the people I used to care about, maybe I'll care about them again. The movie "Idiocracy" is the way I see the world in about 25 years. If Global Warming doesn't kick our sad asses out of exsistence first. I'm sarcastic, really tho, I am, because everyone thinks they are these days. Everyone takes things way to seriously these days, really people, pull the stick out of your ASS and joke around for once... 

Thanks for putting up with my complaining...

Isabella "Bella" Swan.
From Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, Breaking Dawn and Midnight Sun.... By Stephanie Meyer...
I have many reasons why... read the books, then come ask me...